The essence

Deep rooted within the spirits of a man lies his ego;the ego he worships,the ego he loves,the ego that means 'I',the ego that truly drives him......
Lost in the rat race of life,a man often wonders if he is right or wrong,in every small decision he makes,and sometimes,he faces regret while sometimes it is pride that he owns it should neither be pride nor should it be regret.
Not regret because no decision is ever wrong,what is wrong are the implicactions ! At the moment the decision and if it is itself that makes it,it has to be right at the moment it was made.
Not pride because every decision is made to achieve some type of success and having pride would be equal to doubting one's own abilities.
In either case it is the self that is affected.
'Ego' is what I call self-love.Now it seems underogatory,does not it? But the important point we are missing out is why are we demoting Egoism? What is so wrong about it? A clear distinction needs to be made between a an egoism and a selfishness.
Why are children in school taught not to be egocentric?

Ego or 'Self Love' as I describe it is what is the TRUE essence of life.

People work on a job for years,spending those years wondering whether what they did was what they wanted to.They search for wealth,on finding it,they search for more of it;After finding more of it,they search for peace of mind and this search continues for ever.The reason being "Satisfaction of Ego is peace of mind" and we cannot be egoistics right.Thats what I remember reading in those self- development books.
Ego is not only the goal we want to achieve,but ego itself is the means to achieve this goal and every other goal we set for ourselves.Money,power,position are motivations and there are no doubts about it,but the underlying fact remains that these are just means to titillate the ego.

"The search for true motivation ends,where it begins-in SELF"


Dhimant Negandhi
24th December 2005.

ALONE....Today too

The mositness of the morning mist

Still wakes me up with the first ray of light;

But your morning wishes no longer exist,

And its hard to set apart day from night.

The sweetness of the sweetest dishes

Still makes me excited over lunch

But your sugary fingers do not touch the food

And even honey seems to be a salty bunch.

The phone keeps ringing

And I still talk to people,for minutes,hours every day,

But the loveliest voice is missing,

What is the point in speech now,i say...

Every journey I make,even today,

The cool breeze makes me feel so nice

But where is the warmth of your hand i need ?

Aah..,I feel so cold,even colder than ice.

The night is beautiful and sky so clear,

I love to sit and stare at the night;

But where is the twinkle of your eye?

Today the brightest star shines without any light.

This palce is beautiful where I can now Rest in peace,

Everyone's asleep just like me in a coffin sealed by a nail;

But where is my darling with the flowers for my grave?

Today too i miss you,without you,even death seems so pale.

Dhimrock----16Dec2005

This poem is dedicated to all my friends.This is the simplest poem i have ever written but its got lots of meaning for me atleast.The second half indicates it well.Hope you like it.If not, maybe i could not convey my gratitude well enough...

My treasure

I LIVE BY THE RIVER, NEXT TO THE VILLAGE
WHERE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE LIVE ,
PEOPLE ARE GOOD AND FINE ,
WITH THEIR FAMILY THEY DINE.

IN THE NIGHT THEY SLEEP;
IN THE MORNING THEY PRAY
THEIR HEARTS ARE DEEP
FOR OTHERS TOO, THEY PRAY.

THEY CARE ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN
AND FOR ALSO THOSE WHO BRAY
THEY ARE BETTER THAN THE REST
I BELEIVE THEY ARE THE BEST.

THIS DOES NOT SOUND HUMAN
NOR DOES IT SOUND TRUE
ONLY IF I COULD
I WOULD HAVE TRIED TO PROVE.

I WILL STILL TRY TO EXPLAIN

THE RIVER IS MY LIFE
AND THE VILLAGE IS WHERE MY FRIENDS LIVE
WE TOGETHER NJOY THE RAIN
RADIATE THE JOY AND SHARE THE PAIN

MY FRIENDS PRAY FOR SELF
AND THEY PRAY FOR ME AS WELL
THAT IS THE SPIRIT THAT GETS ME GOING
THEY DONT EVEN NEED TO TELL

THEY ARE JUST AND FAIR
FOR EVERY HUMAN THEY CARE
SO CAN YOU FIND BETTER SOULS
WHO PLAY THEIR HEROIC ROLES

I KNOW IT STILL DOES NOT SOUND TRUE
AND YOU HAVE NOT BELEIVED
BUT WHO CARES ,WITH FRIENDS LIKE THOSE
I ALWAYS FEEL RELEIVED.

DHIMANT 14TH OCTOBER 2004

Higher




Life is so unpredictable!! When you are down, it pulls you up; when you are elevated, it bangs you to the ground. You can’t even understand, what is happening to you. Instead of asking, “Is it supposed to be this way?”; I would rather say “This is life… Welcome to reality! Face it and be strong.”Huh! Easier said than done. When someone loses a person close to him; when the person close to you passes away, how do you feel? I can’t even imagine. In fact I shudder at the very thought that these things are destined to happen. And when, all of a sudden, it shows you a middle fingerl it says “YOU ARE NOTHING” and you just stare into oblivion as if you are a fool.Is, so much of attachment to people and things around us, good? May be… or may be not. Well, your parents bring you up, spending every cell of their body, crying for you, smiling with you. There are people around you who love you, who care for you. How can you not be attached to them? How can you not lose heart and break down when something drastic happens to them? Don’t our near and dear ones deserve our tears?They sure do…On the other hand, you have to learn to face realities. Do we all not know that life is meant to end? Do we not understand we must also bear our share of pain? Is it not that happiness and sorrow have to go hand in hand? I think we should be better equipped to face such consequences.Reality and Emotions; Practicality and Morals; they have to be in conflict. None of them being right or wrong. That’s not the point I want to mention here.I want to talk about the reality of life. And the reality is that you love people around you and you always want them to be happy. Because it makes you happy to see them happy. And the reality is, there is an equilibrium in the universe. You have to face both the extremes (like joy and sorrow) in equal amounts.I don’t know how to end this pourout of mine. But it is natural to feel things, good and bad. But, THE SHOW MUST GO ON. Life cannot stagnate because of one catastrophe. Like phoenix we must rise from the ashes!

13Dec2005

The fanciful bay........

11Decemebr 2005.

Thanks,Thanks mate who has been with me throughout my sorrow.But before i proceed with the expalinations,Let me introduce you to the most happening bay of this level 5 HELL(name changed....HEHE..most ppl must have gussed it anyways).Continuing, i am thanking my mate because having a useless person in the same bay sometimes gives us a feeling of being less useless.Who says life is monotnous in the IT industry?? I start my day with a decision ,spend my time making decisions and end the useless day with a decision.
Decision 1.Should i go to office,(real questionn-Am i required at my office) ???
Decision 2.Should i have breakfast first or check my Inbox first(real question-When wil i get work)
Decision 3.Should i stay back after 5 PM and impress my boss(real question-what will i do going home anyways)
Anyways the word break fast is elusive because we never do it fast.We dont because later on we curse ourselves when we sit at our places with no work...But i am not planning to challenge the Oxford dictionary as fast is a relative word,and we do it faster than lunch and pls no doubts about this one..there is no such thing as fast lunch in the IT industry at least in this level 5 Hell.

After having the daily dose of breakfast...i return to my bay with AAJ TAK and BBC......oops
not yet introduced the two people to you....AAJ TAK is the mate i was thanking earlier and BBC ...the new gal in the happening bay......AAJTAK IS TOO FAST WITH NEWS(he is not that useless afterall as stated earlier....)AND BBC is just too accurate with her news.
For her i guess it is more difficult to keep a new story to herself than to swallow a burning rod...
So my stomach is now full ,half with the yuckiest tasting chutney and idli and the remaining half with the munchiest gossip....(I love gossip)
Breakfast to lunch are the 3 most difficlut hours for me to spend,especially without work. Some time later a JAMES BOND look alike(thats what he thinks ...i guess) breezes past our bay,trying to entertain all his bond girls who are least impressed by his titillating approaches and unwanted magical touches.....except one...the one i call the OFFICIAL BOND GIRL....
The physchopathic couple make me psychosomatic(brain is the most affceted) .I waste my time and energy to figure out who is more neurotic.
After i fail to find no more entertainment on my desk and after all my google searches have failed,i turn my neck around looking for some more gossip and BBC never disappoints me and her news will soon attract AAJTAK towards my desk...

At about noon,an intellectual alien(had to use alien coz i found no resemblances to existing creatures) (also the dumbo does not even know what a FTP server means and in techno company,this is criminal,and god dammit he is paid more tha me,BBC and AAJTAK....its true ..its true)enters the bay,reducing the average intelligience of OUR bay wearing some sort of a swimming costume(colourful they are) on his head,God knows what??
But as soon as he speaks in the meeting(will talk about this time pass some later day) i realised the use of the swimming costume ,It was gods eternal gift to him to protect the most underdeveloped part of his anatomy,THE CEREBRUM or should i say the BRAIN.
One of my favourite pass times during no work is downloding weird ringtones to my cell phone...and then play the weird ringtones for the weirdest people on the planet.As soon as a call is over i wait for some comment from someone on the ringtone.If i dont get one ,i feel utterly disappointed and change to another weird ringtone,then wait for someone to call me,If no one does,i call myself from the office Phone....Ya thts me useless and workless..
The other pass time favourite we have is a game i call Playing MAIL-MAIL.In this game there are unlimited participants,.one of the 2 morons from our opposite bay(the one i call absolute moron) starts a game by sending a mail.Then we start commenting (thank you whoever it was for REPLY TO ALL option..i think it was RAY TOMMILSON) on the same mail.Comments can be really weird and creativity is at its peak and me and AAJTAK are expert finsihers of this game with the least space consuming but highly insulting one line comments....like....HOW MAY I IGNORE YOU TODAY??.
By this time its 3 and the remaining time i spend in writing stupid blogs like these....Yahooooo,i just managed to spend my last two hours at office doing something i like,Sorry i have to leave as there are just 5 minutes for my bus to go,and i dont want to miss it again ,coz i am in no mood to write one more blog.......A frustraing 2 hour journey awaits me to take me home....which never gets any better.
Forgive me for not being original here....but...
END OF ANOTHER DAY.NEVER FELT SO HELPLESS,,USELESS AND LIFELESS(the last 2 words do seem original,dont they???)

Yours Truly,
Software Engineer.

Someone

I KNOW SOMEONES INSIDE MY HEART HIDING,

BUT I DONT KNOW WHO IT IS?

HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO CLOSE

AND STILL I CANT FIND OUT

IT WAS VERY LATE WHEN I WAS GOING HOME, RIDING,

WHEN I GAVE UP TO FIND OUT WHO IT IS,

IT WAS IN THE MORNING FROM THE BED WHEN I ROSE

I RELAISED THE REASON AND WANTED TO SHOUT

THEN I CALMED DOWN AND SAID TO MYSELF

'DHIMANT, WHEN SOMEONES INSIDE UR HEART ,UR PEER AND IS SO NEAR

U TEND TO BECOME ONE , THEN HOW WILL U DISTINGUISH URSELF FROM HER OH DEAR TRY OUT,

YOU WONT EVEN BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH HER TEAR FROM YOUR OWN TEAR

Dhimant 05Th November

......The Look....

When i look into your eyes I fall and die

When I look into them again,

I fall and die with the same pain,

Today you are gone,I feel like I am slain,

Its over now,nothing is left to complain

Now i just wanna get wet, but it just wont rain.....

When i was down ,You taught me to try,

I used to walk ,you made me fly,

Every pain of yours just made me cry,

Today I stand alone ,why should I lie??

Now I just want to get wet, but its just so dry........

People thought we made a lovely pair,

What the others thought i did not care,

I wanted to kiss you but i did not dare,

But every feeling I just did share,

Now I just want to love,but there only despair..........

You filled my past with bags of glory,

Today you made my future the saddest story,

But what hurts is the present so sad,

I want to get back all the moments I had

Now i just wanna feel sane,but your thoughts make me mad.......

I cannot forget, You are one of those few,

I wish you a life, happy and new,

I still had lots of wonderful things to say to you

But evening has come ,no one can stop the dew,

Now i just want to say sorry,but I say thank you..........

Thank you for all you have done,

Thank you for all the fun,

for moments i will never forget,

I made mistakes I will always regret,

Now I just want to go, but for you I will always wait........

Dhimant Negandhi 30nov2004

-------------Believe---------------

If i ever told you this world is heaven, and there is no suffering,

would you believe me? You know people around you are still dying.

But one thing you should believe,suffering is there to stay,

It has taught me to fight back, whatever price i may have to pay.

If i ever told you that i was born lucky and everything is easy,

would you believe me? You know there are times of trying.

But one thing you should believe,trying times will bring new friends,

They have brought out in me new spirits and new trends.

If i ever told you , i am living my life and smiling forever

would you believe me? you know that there are moments of crying

But one thing you should believe,crying is a form of prayer in ample

where tears are the words and your feelings the temple.

If i ever told you i have been in love never before,

would you believe me? , you know i must be lying.

But one thing you should believe,love is a virtue not a feeling,

Lie you may,but dont hide it, because love has a magical power thats healing.

Dhimant

Always Mine...........(Poem)

When you will be gone forever,
You will always be still mine;
I will always remember you,
When the clock strikes nine
And please dont worry about me,
Let me make you believe i will be fine
And please remember,
That you will always be mine.....

When you will be no longer there,
I will always miss you,
And i can just hope within me
That someday you will miss me too,
But i will always pray to God,
That there is always someone to kiss you
And please remember ,
That i will always miss you.....

Whatever time i spent with you,
Please believe me i have never lied
Every walking step i take,
I will search you by my side
But i know i will never find you there again,
You have walked away just like time and tide
But please remember,
That i have never lied.....

When you were down,,
I just wanted you to try
There was nothing else i wanted,
But i could not see you cry
You look much pretty and beautiful,
When you smile, even if it is dry
And please remember ,
I always wanted you to try.....

Whenever i talked to you,
I always had lots more to say
Now every day i close my eyes,
And wish for just ONE MORE day
But i guess when you get attached,
Thats always the price you have to pay
And please remember,
I still have lots more to say.....

Dhimant 18 January 2005