I am not afraid of most things on this planet and maybe the things that I am most afraid of have never happened to me so far.So I took some time out to sit,think and evaluate what would frighten me the most or for that matter even frighten me.I though a lot and finally cam to a conclusion.
The most frightful day of my life would be when my son/daughter walks upto me and tells me "Papa,I think I will appear for CAT".I would be shattered.Somehow after sometime I will compose myself.l
Sounds scary.Does it not ? It does not !! Oh ! In that case let me take this oppurtunity to present to you an entity called CAT.
Before I move on,If you did not understand what the first part of the title means,CATALEPSY means exactly what I feel when I get the CAT paper in my hands.
'State of trance or seizure with loss of sensation'
The exam CAT (COMMON APTITUDE TEST) is held every year by the brilliant people at IIM's for students who want to pursue a career in management.And trust me there are many type of samples who appear for CAT.In the 3 years that I appeared for CAT,I came across frustrated software engineers,I came across more frustrated Call Centre employees, and I came across people whose graduation degree did not get them a good job.But this is not the sad part.The sad part or more appropriately the "FUN" part is that I came across people who had no idea why to do management,I came across people who did not know what specialisations are offered in a MBA course,and I came across fools who believed MBA is the acronym for Masters in Business Administration'. Can you believe that ? People belonging to this group do not deserve to pursue management at all.They do not deserve to read or WRITE articles.MBA actually stands for...Hmmm.Forget it How is it important now.I have already got an admission.For me the CAT is the past now.
Coming back to acronyms, when you appear for these management exams,you come across exams having weird acronyms like MAT,CAT,XAT,ATMA,NMAT,SNAP etc.
Remembering dates for each of these exams and storing hall tickets for all these exams is a pain in the neck.It is very common for people to go for the XAT exam with the CAT hall ticket and vica-versa.This is an aptitude test in itself.Why dont they call HAT,hall ticket aptitude test?
After I appeared for CAT the second time,,i was wondering if the acronym of CAT actually makes sense because firstly CAT does not seem to be an aptitude test from any angle.It is more like an intelligience test.Secondly I wondered If I am being fooled,CAT does not stand for Common aptitude test.
CAT could easily stand for
' CATASTROPHIC ANNUAL TRAGEDY '
' CAUSE OF ANXIETY AND FEAR '
' CELEBRAL ACUTE TRAUMA '
But I came to a conclusion that CAT best stands for
' CAN ALSO TRY '
A famous quote says "If you fail at everything,try management."
There are huge number of people who appear for CAT for more than one time and after all its so easy to remember and its realistic too...
Another intresting acronym: MBA---Money Buys All...
Thousand of students bitten by this MBA bug every year go thorugh the annual CAT trauma every year.It begins by going to weird SBI branches to get a silly examination form.This CAT form is filled up and hen the exercise of deciding which college is better for me game.This game is played by almost all the students.The 2 players of this game are the student and his luck.He/she may toss a coin and decide whether to fill a particular college form.
After he decides,he gets the form of that college.Firstly these B-schools have an unique way in which they are named.A weird acronym is followed by the place where it is situated. Like MDI Gurgaon,IMT-Ghaziabad,IMT-Nagpur,XIM-Bhubaneshwar,TAPMI-Manipal and hundreds more.......
This vocabulary is hardly understood by anybody outside the CAT fraternity.The original style of having a decent college name has completely become extinct.
And to add to that,then there are colleges who have such weird acronyms,you tend to misplace even the letters of the acronym,they are actually tongue twisters.
SCHMRD is just one of such names,sorry oops...SCMHRD...and people call it SMHRCD and SCRHMD and what not my God.It also some times sounds like a Sooraj Barjatya movie acronym.
But the real fun starts when you open the prospectus of these B-schools.There are 2 things that you will find in atleast the prospectus of the B-grade colleges.
1) An image of 3-4 students sitting in a lush green garden carrying their laptops.Of these 3-4 people atleast there has to be atleast one hot looking female(hired from which modelling agency I dont know).Also the venue could be a staircase instaed of a garden which is another common location on these images.
2) The professors have got their honourable MBA degrees from places like Jalandhar University,Patiyala University,Annamalai and kulfi and what not universities.These proffesors from reputed universities are going to sahpe my career.I am so excited.I wonder why these people are being so altruistic and teaching in colleges when they such degrees from these reputed universities.
Finally these forms get filled, you somehow manage to remember dates of all these exams,you appear for them and then you may or may not be shortlisted for the next stage.You are dead if you are not,as you will have to go through the entire annual trauma again.And If you are shortlisted,you are even more dead,considering you will be called for a PI.A PI is a masochistic idea and it seems a student is begging and saying P(lease) I(nsult)
Some day when the interveiwer asks me "Why MBA?" I want to answer to him saying
"I am actually reconsidering,after knowing you are a MBA"
And then if he asks me "What's your goal?",I want to answer,"my goal may be something trivial but it is not to do a MBA from a reputed institute like yours and then conducting PI's in a MBA college and God save me if it was your goal once upon a time".
Anyways I have been traumatized enough,I am so glad I have cleared CAT and as people say CRACKED CAT.I always wondered why it is called CRACKING? At the end of the entire CAT episode,either your nut sized brain is cracked or the door to a good B-school cracks open.
MDI Gurgaon has made the most unforgivable sin of their life time by admitting me and I will ensure that they repent.And I am so glad another important person in my life has also cracked CAT ,so that my personal life is no longer in jeopardy and free of annual tragedies.
I also had the pleasure of meeting some interesting people in the brain Fucking GD/PI's.Forgive my foul language.
Now as I enter MDI Gurgaon,I am mentally much stronger waiting for the tri-annual disasters or better known as trimesters.
I await useless presentations,another degree in my bag, a hefty pay package and not to forget 2 years of yucky mess food !!!
Overall I summarize my journey of CAT and MBA in the past 3 years as
FROM ASPIRATION TO DESPERATION TO FRUSTRATION...TO MDI !!!!!
Dhimrock----3 May 2006 ....at my office....